How to deal with the grief of losing a pet

Why losing a pet hurts this much

A pet is part of every ordinary hour. They were there when you woke up, when you came home, when you ate and when you went to bed. When they die, every one of those moments carries the loss. That's why it can feel so large, and why it often catches people by surprise.

Cornell University's College of Veterinary Medicine describes grief as working on several levels at once, and says all of these are a normal part of grieving:

Grief can begin before a death, too. If your pet was old or ill, you may have been grieving for weeks or months already. This is often called anticipatory grief, and it is just as real.

When people don't understand

Some people around you may treat the loss as small. That can make grief lonelier. You don't need anyone's permission to be heartbroken over an animal you loved, and there are people who will understand. The support lines further down this page exist for exactly that reason.

My pet just died. What do I do now?

The first days are often the hardest, and they come with decisions at a time when you have little energy. A few things to know:

1. You don't have to decide everything today. Your vet can explain aftercare options, such as burial or cremation, and how long you have to choose.
2. Keep something of theirs. A collar, a tag, a favorite toy, or a clipping of fur. Many people are glad later that they did.
3. Tell the people who knew them. A short message is enough: "Max died this morning. We're heartbroken." Let others help with practical things.
4. Take care of the basics. Eat something, drink water, try to sleep. Grief is physically tiring.
5. Give yourself time off if you can. A day or two away from work is reasonable after losing a family member, and that is what a pet is to many people.

If you're feeling guilt

Guilt is one of the most common feelings after a pet dies, especially after euthanasia. You may replay the last weeks and wonder what you missed or whether you chose too soon. Cornell's veterinarians describe euthanasia as a way to end a pet's pain when they are suffering or unlikely to recover, and note that it is sometimes the kindest thing an owner can do. Making that choice was an act of care, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

Ways to cope that help

There's no right way to grieve, but some things help many people. Take what fits and leave the rest.

• Say their name. Talk about them out loud, with family, with friends, with the other pets. Avoiding their name can make the silence heavier.
• Write to them. Cornell suggests writing a letter to your pet, sharing anything you felt was left unsaid. It doesn't have to be good. It just has to be yours.
• Keep a routine. Walk at the old walk time, even alone. Structure gives grief somewhere to sit.
• Gather the photos. Pull your favorites into one album. Ask friends and family for theirs. You'll likely find pictures you forgot about.
• Mark the loss. A small ritual helps the loss feel acknowledged: lighting a candle, planting something, scattering ashes in a place they loved. Our list of pet memorial ideas has more.
• Find words when you have none. Some people find comfort in a poem or a few lines. Our pages on the Rainbow Bridge poem and pet loss quotes include original lines you're free to use.
• Let the waves come. Grief rarely moves in a straight line. A good week followed by a bad day is a normal part of it.

A memorial to watch

Some people find it comforting to see their pet moving again. Our Running Free memorial film shows your pet running through a sunlit meadow toward the camera, made from 5 to 10 photos you already have, with their name and dates on the last frame. It's $89, it comes with a keepsake poster still, and there's no deadline to order. If it doesn't feel like them, we remake it, and if it still doesn't, you get your money back.

Pet loss support you can call or join

Talking to someone who understands pet grief can make a real difference. These services were active when we checked them in November 2026. Hours can change, so check the website or call.

When to talk to a doctor or counselor

Grief is a normal process, and sometimes it gets heavy enough to need more support. Talk to your doctor, or look for a grief counselor or therapist, if:

• You can't eat, sleep or get through the day for weeks at a time
• The pain isn't easing at all, or is getting worse, as time passes
• You feel hopeless, or you're relying on alcohol or other substances to cope

If you're thinking about harming yourself, please reach out now. In the US, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or call 911. Outside the US, contact your local emergency number.

Helping children and other pets grieve

Children

Children understand death differently depending on their age, but they still need the truth. Cornell's guidance is to be honest, include them in the conversation, and let them ask questions even if you don't have every answer. It's okay for them to see you sad. Drawing a picture of the pet, writing a story, or sharing a favorite memory together can help the whole family.

Gentle phrases like "crossed the Rainbow Bridge" can help, but pair them with plain words so a young child isn't confused about whether the pet is coming back.

Other pets in the home

Pets can change their behavior after a companion dies. They may seek more attention, seem anxious or withdrawn, or eat and sleep differently. Some of that may be a response to the change in your routine and your mood, too. Cornell recommends:

• Keeping the daily routine as steady as you can
• Being a calm, reassuring presence
• Doing things they enjoy, like walks, food puzzles or short training sessions
• Being patient: it may take weeks to months

Any change that lasts, and especially a pet that stops eating or drinking, needs a vet visit. Don't assume it's grief.

When is the right time for another pet?

There is no correct time. Some people feel ready within weeks, often because they were waiting through a long illness. Others need years. Both are acts of love toward the pet you lost.

What tends to hurt is pressure from other people to "replace" a pet quickly. A new animal can't fill the exact space your pet left, and expecting them to isn't fair to either of you. When you do feel ready, give the new pet room to be themselves. If visiting a shelter brings up too much, it's fine to stop and wait.

How long does grief last?

People often ask how long it takes to get over losing a dog or cat. The honest answer is that grief doesn't follow a schedule. For most people, it slowly changes shape: the sharp days become fewer, and the memories start to bring more warmth than pain. Over time, you learn to carry them with you.

If you want to help a friend going through this, our guides to what to say when someone loses a pet and pet sympathy gifts can help.